Sad News

I've been thinking of a million ways to begin this sentence and I realized I'm just going to say it. My maternal grandmother died yesterday. The news was devastating but we should have been expecting it. She had been really sick and had only gotten slightly better. The news hasn't really hit me personally yet because my main concern has been my mom. It's like one of those moments, how can you ever really understand what someone is going through unless you've gone through it yourself? I can't even begin to comprehend my mother's grief and pain. We were able to get her on a flight last night to Nicaragua so she could go home for the funeral. I wanted to go with her but I couldn't. I am sad mostly because it breaks my heart to see my mother, my mother who has always seemed so strong, be torn by grief and sorrow. How can I console her? What can I do for her? I did what I know she would have done in the same situation: I bought velas. I didn't know what saints to buy so I just bought a bunch of them and lit them. I don't pray but last night I prayed for my mom. I prayed to God and the Virgencita to give her strength, support, and comfort. I just feel so helpless. How do you comfort someone who has suffered a great loss?

I have to say, my boyfriend Clay was so helpful last night, I can't thank him enough. It was one of those moments where he helped me remain calm in a situation where I had to be the strong one, even though I just wanted to cry too. He was the one who took us to the airport and kind of helped us get help quickly. He helped the person who means the universe to me and for that I just love him more and more. All this year he's just always been there, understanding, supporting, calming, soothing, and loving. I'm lucky to have him, lucky that he loves me. I can only hope that I can do for him what he has done for me, which is make me happy and make me feel secure and hopeful of the future.