Birthday Musings

My birthday is next week and I am and am not looking forward to it. It's the big 2-7! Dude, that means I'll be in my late 20s. So old and yet so young.... Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that I'm as old as my age proves I am. Some of it has to do with the fact that I look younger than what I am (I get it all the time). But another part is also that, when I was younger, I had a vision of what I would be doing at this age; I thought that by 25 I'd be married and probably starting on having kids. It's not that I wish I was doing that now (I'm not ready) but it's that I thought that's what I would be doing. And for some reason, not doing that makes me feel younger somehow. It doesn't make sense in any logical frame of thought, but it's how it makes me feel. This, along with other factors, make me feel like less of an adult sometimes.... Sigh....

On another note, I'm not one of those women who doesn't look forward to growing older, I'm really happy about it. This is vain, but I feel like I'm looking better as I age! Lol, I know, totally vain.... Hopefully I'll still feel this way at 35. Even being really old can't be that bad. I totally want to be that old lady in the designer suit, Chanel sunglasses, big hair, and at Sunday brunch for margaritas (extra tequila please!) with my novias (i.e. fellow stylishly-attired old lady friends).

And my sister comes home from grad school on my birthday, which I am most ecstatic about. I've really missed her. When she left, listening to Mariah Carey's We Belong Together would make me just cry! Mind you, it's a total love song but for some reason I would always think of her when I heard it. I just love her so much and I'm really happy she'll be home for the holidays.

Really, I don't even care about presents. I like the cake (chocolate), the growing older, the sister coming home, las mananitas, the hugs and kisses.... I don't want presents; this is enough.

The only thing I'm not looking forward to: chemo. That's right, chemo on my birthday. Booooo..... Oh well....

Today I went to get my Neupogen shot. I was supposed to have gotten it yesterday too but the nurses couldn't find the order so I'd gone for nothing.... But today was a productive hospital day. Tomorrow I'm going to learn how to give myself the shots. I'm going to try really hard to get over the fear because it really is useful to know. And... I canceled the pick line! So my new nurse BFF, Diana, helped me to get my doctor to approve a port instead. It is surgically placed in the chest where it is not visible or hanging out anywhere. I can't even describe my relief; I really really... like REALLY, was not looking forward to the pick line. It won't be put in in time for my next chemo treatment but that's ok. I'll have a bump in my chest where it'll be put in but, hey man, it's better than having a tube hanging out....