So last year (end of summer) I seriously contemplated quitting my job. It was really a combination of things, mostly stress over being sick and trying to hide it. Few people really know how hard last year was on me. I really can't begin to explain how hard my second treatment was on me. My mom is one of the few who really knows. She would often plead with me, "Hija, por favor. No vayas al trabajo, no te ves bien," (Daughter, please. Don't go to work, you don't look well). But I wouldn't listen and I would just go to work. But as soon as I got home I would go straight to bed because I was so exhausted from the day and from trying to act like I was ok when in fact, I wasn't feeling well. It was stupid really. But I felt like I needed the job and I had to go and try my best. For the most part it worked. However, I was sent home a few times when it was obvious I was not ok. The relief at being sent home once was so great I literally broke into tears; I was so happy I could go home and just rest. Like I said, it was stupid what I put myself through. At the time I just felt like I had no choice, I didn't want to lose my job.
By the end of the summer I just couldn't take it anymore. I was ready to just quit. Fuck it. Was my peace of mind worth more than extra money in my pocket? I wasn't sure. But it was just so exhausting. So I seriously weighed my options:
- I could quit, go back on disability, and use my disability to pay for COBRA. Con: Cobra ends after a year and eventually I'd have to find a new job. Also, the way disability works, I could end up with no money since they base it on what you earned months before going on disability. Months before going on disability I didn't work because I was on disability (if you can understand that).
- I could take a medical leave of absence (like I did at Bloomingdale's), go back on disability, pay my half of my medical premium, and eventually return to my old position. Con: Same as above regarding disability. Also, I felt guilty about leaving when they were short staffed and needed everyone there.
- I could go part-time and still get a paycheck. Con: No benefits and less money in my pocket.
I seriously thought about it for about a month before I decided to just grin and bear it for as long as possible. I want to clarify that it was while I was on my second treatment that things headed downhill. Well, actually, my first treatment ended badly since I ended up in the hospital. So I started the second treatment but the side effects were too much for me. I was always tired, needed blood transfusions, stopped eating (I lost 20 pounds), TMI had problems going to the restroom..... Seriously a laundry list of problems. But I tried to act like everything was ok. That was my problem. Trying to fake it. It became really stressful. But I decided I would try to take it as long as I could. Mind you, I had good days, I did. But the bad days outweighed the good.
When I finally went off the second treatment, I was so relieved. This new treatment plan has given me my life back. The quality of my life has improved.
So basically I'm happy I stuck it out because I am much better now and I have the energy I need to be 100% dedicated to my job.
Now I am beginning to realize even more how smart this decision was. Every time I hear stories about people being laid off and people not being able to find jobs, I thank my lucky stars that I still have a job to go to. Sometimes I whine and complain but today I really realized that I was one of the lucky ones that still has her job. So from now on I'm just going to shut up and do the best I can.
Today I thought about all the people I know who have been laid off or can't find a job and that's what prompted this change of heart. It's not that I don't like my job, I do. I really really enjoy what I do. Seriously, all joking, BS, and sarcasm aside I really do enjoy what I do. It's no secret I love the fashion world. But of course like any normal person I've complained about my job. My workload is too much, sometimes I fight with my co-workers, sometimes I hate my managers, etc. etc. The normal work complaints most people have. But today I've decided no more. From now on I will put in 200%. No more complaining and whining.
The truth is that the extra money in my pocket has been a blessing. There are just so many things I would not have been able to do had I not had the money. So at this point, I can't afford to lose my job.
I used to say, I don't need money to be happy. I now realize, I don't NEED it, but it sure does make life a lot easier.
On another note, I am helping to finance a mini home remodel of my mom's house. Hence the importance of having extra money lying around. Have you ever seen The Money Pit? Well, our experience has not strayed too far from the couple's in the movie. We've already gone over the budget, over the timeline, and more than one person has lost their temper. It didn't help that Clay and I started out with a very ambitious plan that I realize now was unrealistic. A lot shit has gone wrong that we didn't anticipate.
Clay and I used to brag that we had become the perfect couple. We rarely argued anymore. We hadn't had a fight in over a year. We hadn't had a serious fight in almost 2 years. Well, this little project caused a major fight. I understand now how stressful home remodels can be on a relationship. But don't worry we are happy again. But this is definitely becoming quite the learning experience. WARNING: It is not easy people! Definitely not easy! And that's considering I'm not the one doing most of the work. I'm just providing the cash. But this ATM is starting to run out of cash. So hopefully we will get done what we need to get done before I go broke trying to finish it.
We started this weekend: Clay, my brothers Eduardo and Sergio, my mom, and I. However, like I said, we hoped we would have finished a bathroom and one bedroom by Sunday night but it didn't happen. And now everyone has returned to their regular jobs except for Sergio so he is the only one that has continued the work. But again, the unexpected shit has slowed the project down. I can't even tell you how many times we've had to go to the hardware store (6 just Saturday and Sunday, and Sergio I think has gone at least 4 times). At first I was spending wily nily but no more. I'm starting to bleed money. So unfortunately the job of finishing the 2 rooms as quickly as possible has fallen to Sergio. I'm crossing my fingers that it is soon. Clay and I will return tomorrow night to help.
The worst part is that we still have major work to do in at least one more bedroom and little work to do in 3 more rooms (living room, bathroom, and bedroom). Ay ya yay................
Maybe I should put up a website where I can accept donations to the Maria Morales Home Remodel Fund.........
But anyways, job insecurity.......... It's really tough. I think back to when Bush was in office and trying to convince the nation that we were not entering a recession. Now look at us............ I feel like even if it takes years before the economy gets back on it's feet, I am glad that we have Obama to see us through. The light in the darkness. I hope that my family, Clay, and I will weather the storm and come out ok........
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