Books, Movies, & Chemo

You know that one scene from the movie Office Space, where they take the printer or copier (whatever it was) out to the grass and beat it? That's how I feel about my computer sometimes, actually, more like my internet connection. Everyday it's a surprise. Will I or won't I have internet access today? I'm not very good with technology so I don't know what I have, I know it's not dial up but whatever it is, I've had it. So I'm gonna start looking into other forms of accessing the internet.

On another note, I have a stack of books I'm excited to start reading. Out of about 15, I'm most excited about The Time Traveler's Wife, Running With Scissors, and Eragon. I usually like to read the book before the movie, which is why I want to read Eragon. But I saw the movie Running With Scissors and loved it, so now I want to read the book. I like that I have more time to read and watch movies now.

There are so many good movies out right now and at first I didn't think anything of it, but then I read an article in the LA Times that talked about why there were so many good movies out. Apparently fall is the season for serious movies since it's close to Oscar season. Makes sense. Except the serious movie-goer is usually overwhelmed with so many good choices. Still on my list: The Queen, Babel, Volver, The Last King of Scotland, and Little Children. For the soon to come: Bobby, The Good Sheperd, Factory Girl, and Dreamgirls. I loved loved Flags of Our Fathers. I was disappointed with Marie Antoinette which sucks cuz it was the movie I had most looked forward to seeing. And I really tried to like it but, wasn't happening. Borat was outrageous and really funny. I missed Little Miss Sunshine so I'm waiting for it to come out on DVD.

Tomorrow is another chemo day. I used to get really nervous the day before chemo. The first one I had scared me to death and I couldn't sleep the days before it. Thankfully I've gotten used to it, this one is #4. I do 2 treatments a month and I'm suppose to do 6, maybe 8 months of chemo, followed by radiation therapy. I'm almost done with 2 months which is.... I can't even describe the feeling.... kinda like relief. I thought chemo would be horrific to be perfectly honest, I know, a little dramatic, lol. It's just you hear so many horror stories and I went into it thinking that. Granted, I don't feel well (mostly moderate nausua) for the first 2-3 days following treatment but I try to sleep alot, so I don't feel it as much. Hopefully I'll still be saying this on month 5....

So, a little about my chemo days so far. For the record, I can be kinda scandalous and dramatic. So of course I bring that to the chemo room at the hospital.

Treatment 1: No problem, smooth sailing.

Treatment 2: The IV started to hurt (a needle is inserted into one of my veins in my hand and the chemo fluids enter my bloodstream that way), and of course I start to cry. First because it hurt, then because I hate needles, the sight of blood, chemo altogether, hospitals, cancer, and the injustice of it all. The arbitrary nature of Hodgkins (I'll write about that later). Anyways, they change the IV to the other hand and it stops hurting. I now feel like the pussy in the room. Nobody else cried, just me and of course the nurse had to come and calm me down. The rest of the afternoon goes by quietly. The original vein that was used darkened slightly and still hurts occasionally, which I later learn might be what is called chemo damage. Which means I am now paranoid about my veins.

Treatment 3: The chemo room was understaffed, 3 nurses had called out. I foresaw problems. A nurse who is not usually there starts my IV. First, my BLOOD squirts everywhere: on my hand, on the chair, on the floor. Then she drops the little plastic tube to the floor. Needless to say, I start getting paranoid. I ask another nurse to change the IV. Of course I have to lie and say it hurts because I can't admit that I don't trust the nurse who is spilling my blood and dropping my tubes. This leads to 4 nurses surrounding me and asking me what the problem is. I want to say, "Can you please just change the IV, no questions!" Unfortunately, what comes out is a babble of pain, dark veins, and paranoia. They suggest putting a port on my arm. A long small plastic tube is inserted into one of my veins and it goes up to some main vein in my chest, maybe heart. I would no longer get IV needles they say. I quickly nix the idea and finally manage to convince them that it hurts enough to change the needle right now but not enough for a port. I am now the paranoid drama queen....... who is also a crier. The rest of the afternoon goes by quietly.

So, my only fear about tomorrow is causing a scene in the chemo room. Hmmmm!