It started already! Had I not gone to the mall today I would have missed it! Sometimes it's just these simple joys that can bring a girl so much happiness............
Anyways, enough about underwear....... Today I met with the tranplant doctor and I also had like a 2 hour meeting with my transplant coordinator. It was a little..... I don't even know how to describe it. I guess I can't believe I'm actually gonna do it. And the more appointments I go to, the more I talk about it, the less out-of-the-ordinary it seems. I guess it's a good thing, makes it less scary. This is what my normal is now........
July will be a busy month. They want to make sure that every organ in my body is working properly so I'm taking lots of tests: chest x-ray, EKG, MUGA, pulmonary function test, another bone marrow biopsy (I had one back when I first started treatment), tests for my liver, blood work, and another CT and PET scan. I have the last round of salvage chemo and then prep for the transplant begins! It's not going to be at the hospital I always go to (Bellflower) but at a cancer center called City of Hope, which is about 30-45 minutes north from where I live. It has a great reputation and apparently lots of transplants happen there so I know I'm in good hands.
So I was thinking about my friends today. I was thinking about my friends crossing those adult milestones. Getting married, buying a house, having kids, having a "real" job in a chosen career. How do they do it? And they make it look so easy. Other than cancer, what do I got? It's funny because everything that I wanted to change about my life before is working to my advantage now that I have cancer. Thank goodness I live with my parents and don't have to pay rent somewhere, I don't drive so I don't have car or insurance payments, I've been at my job long enough to be able to go on leave and still keep my health benefits, I don't have kids who would be affected, or a husband who's stressed out. Living at home, not having a car, staying at my not-great job, and not having kids or a husband has been great for my sanity now. Some might even say I'm lucky...... I don't have to worry about these things, all I have to worry about is fighting cancer. I can't be bothered with these things while I'm fighting cancer you know.
I don't know why but I have to stop myself from laughing. Can you imagine, it may not matter what I accomplish or don't accomplish someday, as long as I beat cancer now, that can be the biggest success of my life. Beating cancer trumps all! Lol.......... it's too funny........ Ok stop, I thinks it's only funny to me........
Anyways, thank God for cancer for putting things in perspective........
Ok, seriously, after I'm done beating cancer, I'm going to have to do something big. I don't know what it is yet, but somethings going to have to happen. Maybe I should take a big trip somewhere, like Fiji or Greece. Something to make me feel alive and grateful to be on this planet............
Monday, June 25, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Other Stuff
All I wrote about was cancer. But cancer isn't the only thing in my life.
I bought myself a nice present before leaving Bloomingdale's: white with violet lenses Gucci aviators. My favorite! I needed a pre-treatment present.
I had lunch with my friend Bertha while she was here. Again, I felt a little guilty because I couldn't go out and party with her but she understood why. It was great to see her, she's as cute as ever!
Clay and I are..... working on being friends. And it's working. He came to see me at the hospital Wednesday and that was nice.
My friend Jorge just got engaged and that was enough to spur a flurry of phone calls to and from my nearest and dearest, lol. I can look forward to another wedding, lol.
My other friend Adri wants to come visit me but we haven't been able to set a date for her to come. The thing is, I don't want her to come on days when I have to go to treatment or when I don't feel well because of it. And the whole month of August is out. I'm hoping maybe the beginning of September might be best. She wants to come to see me and bring me some Adri magic when I feel down...... I have really good friends.........
I'd like to call everyone who has called me the last couple of months but sometimes, I just don't feel like being on the phone. I feel guilty because I know I should return their calls and I'm just being lazy. Well, I have lots of time again so there will be plenty of opportunities.
My poor cat is traumatized. I'm pretty sure the doctors are gonna tell me it's time to limit my interactions with her. However, she's used to being around me and in my room, it's where her food and kitty litter are. She also sleeps with me at night, usually at the foot of the bed or next to my back. In anticipation of my doctor's orders, I made plans with my brother Sergio to take her but she wasn't very happy about that. We moved her food and litter out of my room but she refuses to leave. She hides under the bed and won't come out. When she does and we try to take her to Sergio's room, she flips out and claws and cries. Everyone tells me to just lock her out of my room and let her cry, but I can't! Poor thing, this is uprooting her sense of stability and order. So, I'll let her have access to my room but her food and litter will be kept in another room closer to mine so that the proximity will comfort her. But she's not allowed on my bed or in my room at night. Jeez my cat drama!
I've been really lucky to have my mom around. She's definitely much more involved this time and it's just so comforting to feel taken care of like that again. One of the last days I worked, she took me to work and dropped me off across the street. She'd packed me a lunch so I had it in one hand and my tote bag in another. I crossed the street, had my lunch bag in one hand, and was adjusting my purse with the other. I turned around one last time to look for her and see if she was still there. She was and she was watching me so I waved and she waved back before leaving. And it just hit me, this feeling of being a little girl again, with my mom dropping me off at school with my lunch and my backpack, and I turn around with uncertainty one last time, just to reassure myself that she's still there, and she is and it comforts me. That's how I felt. It was such a poignant and touching moment. I guess that's how I feel. Like this little girl who looks to her mother to protect her and love her. She gives me strength when mine's starts to falter. Oh my goodness, I think I'll stop because now I'm getting choked up. I love my mom and words cannot express how much her love carries me now.
So for the next couple of weeks, it's rest, rest, rest!
I bought myself a nice present before leaving Bloomingdale's: white with violet lenses Gucci aviators. My favorite! I needed a pre-treatment present.
I had lunch with my friend Bertha while she was here. Again, I felt a little guilty because I couldn't go out and party with her but she understood why. It was great to see her, she's as cute as ever!
Clay and I are..... working on being friends. And it's working. He came to see me at the hospital Wednesday and that was nice.
My friend Jorge just got engaged and that was enough to spur a flurry of phone calls to and from my nearest and dearest, lol. I can look forward to another wedding, lol.
My other friend Adri wants to come visit me but we haven't been able to set a date for her to come. The thing is, I don't want her to come on days when I have to go to treatment or when I don't feel well because of it. And the whole month of August is out. I'm hoping maybe the beginning of September might be best. She wants to come to see me and bring me some Adri magic when I feel down...... I have really good friends.........
I'd like to call everyone who has called me the last couple of months but sometimes, I just don't feel like being on the phone. I feel guilty because I know I should return their calls and I'm just being lazy. Well, I have lots of time again so there will be plenty of opportunities.
My poor cat is traumatized. I'm pretty sure the doctors are gonna tell me it's time to limit my interactions with her. However, she's used to being around me and in my room, it's where her food and kitty litter are. She also sleeps with me at night, usually at the foot of the bed or next to my back. In anticipation of my doctor's orders, I made plans with my brother Sergio to take her but she wasn't very happy about that. We moved her food and litter out of my room but she refuses to leave. She hides under the bed and won't come out. When she does and we try to take her to Sergio's room, she flips out and claws and cries. Everyone tells me to just lock her out of my room and let her cry, but I can't! Poor thing, this is uprooting her sense of stability and order. So, I'll let her have access to my room but her food and litter will be kept in another room closer to mine so that the proximity will comfort her. But she's not allowed on my bed or in my room at night. Jeez my cat drama!
I've been really lucky to have my mom around. She's definitely much more involved this time and it's just so comforting to feel taken care of like that again. One of the last days I worked, she took me to work and dropped me off across the street. She'd packed me a lunch so I had it in one hand and my tote bag in another. I crossed the street, had my lunch bag in one hand, and was adjusting my purse with the other. I turned around one last time to look for her and see if she was still there. She was and she was watching me so I waved and she waved back before leaving. And it just hit me, this feeling of being a little girl again, with my mom dropping me off at school with my lunch and my backpack, and I turn around with uncertainty one last time, just to reassure myself that she's still there, and she is and it comforts me. That's how I felt. It was such a poignant and touching moment. I guess that's how I feel. Like this little girl who looks to her mother to protect her and love her. She gives me strength when mine's starts to falter. Oh my goodness, I think I'll stop because now I'm getting choked up. I love my mom and words cannot express how much her love carries me now.
So for the next couple of weeks, it's rest, rest, rest!
Back on the Train
Well, I got the results of my biopsy and PET scan earlier than expected. Not good news...... I still have Hodgkin's and it has spread. Damn cancer......
So I stopped working again, this past Monday was my last day. I worked for one full month. I think it took me half that time just to get used to being back at work again, lol. Having the extra income really helped though and I was able to renew my health insurance coverage for the year, so it was worth it.
So........... I'm back on chemotherapy, a different kind though. It's called ICE and it's salvage chemotherapy. Apparently it's a little more intense and they also do it to see if I'll still respond to chemotherapy. It's a 3 day event. The first day is only one hour of chemo (Tuesday). The 2nd and 3rd day are together because it's 27 hours. Yup, 27 hours of chemo. On Wednesday I was checked into the hospital in the morning and they hooked me up to an IV which ran for almost 30 hours. I was discharged yesterday (Thursday) like at midnight. Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I expected, seriously. When I went in on Tuesday, I thought all my old fears, phobias, and associations would return in full force but they didn't. I kept giving myself pep talks though so that might have helped, "You are not nauseous, you are not nauseous!," "This soup is yummy, this soup is yummy! And you love vegetables, you love vegetables!" Hey, whatever works. When I went home I wasn't tired and still didn't feel nauseous so I considered it a successful day. This really helped me face days 2 and 3. My biggest fear was the nausea and it's been noticeably absent. None on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or so far today. It's been the biggest consolation to date, lol. Pain I can so so stand, but nausea....... let's just be thankful it's not a problem....... yet...........
So this little 3 day parade I only have to do twice. So I go back in 3 weeks for the last one. Yeah! After that, the next phase of my treatment kicks in............. I'll be doing a bone marrow transplant. Yup, they dropped the big BMT on me. Radiation is no longer an option because my cancer is spread over too large an area. It's a misconception though because what I'm actually going to do is more of a stem cell infusion, but bone marrow transplant is what everyone calls it. Basically they'll take out some of my platelets or marrow and freeze them. Then I'll get high dose chemotherapy that will shut down my immune system completely but is suppose to kill off all the cancer. Then they give me back what they froze and there! I spend a couple months recovering........ hopefully cancer-free.
It's funny because I thought I would freak out. Like just freak the fuck out. But.... I feel as if I've become more determined. I've had it with Hodgkin's! I want it done, out, gone! Whatever it takes! This is not to say I'm not scared and that I haven't cried. I am and have. But before, the treatment itself was the my main source of my fears. Now, it's the cancer. This whole time before I just wanted treatment to end, treatment was ruining my life. Once treatment was over, I figured everything would get better. I assumed treatment would work. But it didn't. I've realized my beef is with cancer. I need to battle cancer, not my treatment. Having changed this mentality, I am able to accept the treatment that awaits me. Granted I'm scared and it'll probably be hard sometimes, but I need to do this. I need to do what it takes to get rid of this cancer.
It should happen sometime in August. I'll probably go in the beginning of August and I'll be at the hospital for at least 3-4 weeks. I have an appointment with the transplant doctor next Monday so I'll know better then the dates. In total, they anticipate that I'll be out of work for 6 months. That's not that bad. After August it's just recovery time.
My biggest wish: 6 months from now I'll be celebrating my 28th birthday. I want a cake with candles, and when I blow them out, I want to be able to say, "I'm 28 today and I'm cancer-free." I was diagnosed at 26, celebrated 27 with cancer, but 28 I hope will be without it. That is my biggest wish.
So I stopped working again, this past Monday was my last day. I worked for one full month. I think it took me half that time just to get used to being back at work again, lol. Having the extra income really helped though and I was able to renew my health insurance coverage for the year, so it was worth it.
So........... I'm back on chemotherapy, a different kind though. It's called ICE and it's salvage chemotherapy. Apparently it's a little more intense and they also do it to see if I'll still respond to chemotherapy. It's a 3 day event. The first day is only one hour of chemo (Tuesday). The 2nd and 3rd day are together because it's 27 hours. Yup, 27 hours of chemo. On Wednesday I was checked into the hospital in the morning and they hooked me up to an IV which ran for almost 30 hours. I was discharged yesterday (Thursday) like at midnight. Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I expected, seriously. When I went in on Tuesday, I thought all my old fears, phobias, and associations would return in full force but they didn't. I kept giving myself pep talks though so that might have helped, "You are not nauseous, you are not nauseous!," "This soup is yummy, this soup is yummy! And you love vegetables, you love vegetables!" Hey, whatever works. When I went home I wasn't tired and still didn't feel nauseous so I considered it a successful day. This really helped me face days 2 and 3. My biggest fear was the nausea and it's been noticeably absent. None on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or so far today. It's been the biggest consolation to date, lol. Pain I can so so stand, but nausea....... let's just be thankful it's not a problem....... yet...........
So this little 3 day parade I only have to do twice. So I go back in 3 weeks for the last one. Yeah! After that, the next phase of my treatment kicks in............. I'll be doing a bone marrow transplant. Yup, they dropped the big BMT on me. Radiation is no longer an option because my cancer is spread over too large an area. It's a misconception though because what I'm actually going to do is more of a stem cell infusion, but bone marrow transplant is what everyone calls it. Basically they'll take out some of my platelets or marrow and freeze them. Then I'll get high dose chemotherapy that will shut down my immune system completely but is suppose to kill off all the cancer. Then they give me back what they froze and there! I spend a couple months recovering........ hopefully cancer-free.
It's funny because I thought I would freak out. Like just freak the fuck out. But.... I feel as if I've become more determined. I've had it with Hodgkin's! I want it done, out, gone! Whatever it takes! This is not to say I'm not scared and that I haven't cried. I am and have. But before, the treatment itself was the my main source of my fears. Now, it's the cancer. This whole time before I just wanted treatment to end, treatment was ruining my life. Once treatment was over, I figured everything would get better. I assumed treatment would work. But it didn't. I've realized my beef is with cancer. I need to battle cancer, not my treatment. Having changed this mentality, I am able to accept the treatment that awaits me. Granted I'm scared and it'll probably be hard sometimes, but I need to do this. I need to do what it takes to get rid of this cancer.
It should happen sometime in August. I'll probably go in the beginning of August and I'll be at the hospital for at least 3-4 weeks. I have an appointment with the transplant doctor next Monday so I'll know better then the dates. In total, they anticipate that I'll be out of work for 6 months. That's not that bad. After August it's just recovery time.
My biggest wish: 6 months from now I'll be celebrating my 28th birthday. I want a cake with candles, and when I blow them out, I want to be able to say, "I'm 28 today and I'm cancer-free." I was diagnosed at 26, celebrated 27 with cancer, but 28 I hope will be without it. That is my biggest wish.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Whew!
Ok......
So Friday I wake up at 5am to be at the hospital by 6:45am (yes it took me an hour to shower and get ready and 45 minutes to get there). I wait for an hour before they finally let us know (everyone in the waiting room) that their computer is down and that they were waiting for a technician to fix it. An hour later they get it fixed and tell me that in another hour they will do my scan. Thank God I was the #2 appointment for the day. So finally at 9:30am they do the scan and I'm out by 10am. Problem is I had an appointment across town with the head and neck surgeon at 10:45am and there is no way I'll be able to make it in time now. So I call to cancel and reschedule but the next available appointment isn't until June 21st. Not good. So I don't reschedule.
However, I had already seen another head and neck surgeon in another city back in May and the only reason I made the Friday appointment was because it was in a hospital that was closer to me. My mom always says,"Dios sabe lo que hace," and I took it to heart on Friday. On my way home, the surgeon from the other city (Baldwin Park, which even I didn't know where it was until the night before my appointment when I looked it up and it was too late to cancel) calls me and tells me that he feels that it's really important that I get the biopsy done sooner rather than later so he tells me he can do it Monday. Sweet! I take it.
On my way home I also realize that it's the last day to sign up for health insurance at my job and I haven't done it yet. So I go to my job and sign up for health insurance, go to the post office and drop off some netflix movies, and go to the bank to deposit some money. I finally get home at 3pm. All I want to do is take a nap. However, the house is a flurry of activity because of Diego's graduation. So no nap for me. We have a nice dinner at 5pm, go to the graduation at 7pm, come home at 9:30pm, and go pick up Danette at 10pm. By 11:30pm we are at the 80s bar, 3 of Clubs.
This place is like a hidden gem in LA. It's in lower Hollywood so it's not too trendy, there's never a line, it gets full but not packed (which I love because I hate when a place is so packed you can't even move), the music is great, and the drinks are average price. Mind you, the outside looks like a hole in the wall and doesn't even have their name displayed, just a neon sign that says COCKTAILS. We're there until we get kicked out and then we hang out in the parking lot forever because my sister wants to say her long goodbyes to everyone. Then we go to a taco place to eat and some fat lesbians start yelling at us because they think we're talking trash about them. We just laugh and continue to eat and they finally shut up. We make it home at 4am and my sister promptly falls asleep. Of course I'm paranoid she'll miss her flight (it's happened to me too many times) so I stay awake and get her up at 4:30am. She speed packs and is out the door at 4:45am. I'm impressed. I finally lay down at 5am and pass out. Ahhhhhhhh......................
Saturday morning Danette wakes me up at 10:30am. I convince her to let me lay there until noon. Today is shopping day! We leave my house at like 3pm and I take her to Pasadena and we go to the stores she doesn't have in Nashville. So we hit up H&M, Urban Outfitters, Forever 21, and some boutiques. We go to the Barney's Beanery there and drink a Blue Moon with a slice of orange and eat. We go home and my best friend here in LA, Erasto, picks us up and we go to The Abbey for drinks. It's a gay bar in West Hollywood which has the best drinks in the city. They're expensive but they pack a punch. I usually can't drink more than 2, otherwise I end up wasted. So 1 pineapple mojito and 1 apple martini later, I am buzzing but dead tired. We go home and go to bed by 3am.
Sunday Danette wakes me up at 9am. Today is beach day! So guess where we go? Nope, not Venice, not Santa Monica, not Malibu, not Manhattan Beach, or Redondo, or Hermosa. Erasto surprises us by driving halfway to San Diego to............ a nude beach. Of course, with mostly men. We get there and I am so overwhelmed with penises that I fall asleep on the beach for 3 hours (fully clothed!). They wake me up and we drive back to LA and go to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. Lol, and we all order (it was 5 of us) the same thing, 1 chicken breast and 1 waffle and macaroni and cheese on the side. It was heaven. Danette and I get back to my house like at 8:45pm and we just talk till 10:30pm. Thank God we're both exhausted and we go to bed soon after.
Monday we both get up at 9am. Danette leaves today and I have surgery! You know, I can literally go on and on about how much I love Danette, but I'll save it for another time. We get ready, she packs, and we say our goodbyes. I leave at 11:30am for the hospital and my brother's girlfriend takes Danette to the airport at 12pm. I feel bad because I feel like I wasn't the greatest host since I was always tired. But I was really happy she was here and just being in her company, regardless of what we were doing, was enough.
At the hospital they scare me because they can't find my appointment in their computer system but it turns out I went to the wrong floor. So I finally check in and..... that's it! I had a moment in the pre-op room where I realize that I'm wearing brown slipper socks, white and orange leg covers (to encourage circulation and prevent blood clots), a floral hospital gown, and a light blue hairnet, and I just start laughing and I can't stop. Taken out of context, I realized how ridiculous I must look and it just made me laugh. One of the male nurses tells me that I have a great attitude and how good that is. It's funny because I get that alot. And for the most part, I am just me, just plain old happy smiley Maria. But I told him I have my moments. I don't know how natural it would be if you didn't get sad now and then.
Anyways, in the operating room, as soon as I get there they put the face mask on me and it feels like all I do is take 2 breaths and I'm out. The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room. It's like 6pm and my mom is on her way to pick me up. The left side of my neck has a bandage on but I get to take it off in 2 days. They give me some morphine for the pain (me likey the morphine, mmmmmm.........) and a prescription for Vicodin. Finally my mom takes me home. On our way home, my phone rings....... it's Bertha and she's coming this Friday!!!!!!
Oh my goodness............. I get home and just go to bed............
So I called out of work on Saturday because Danette was here and I didn't want to go to work. That and I woke up feeling like shit. I swear, too much activity and excitement and I end up needing a lot of rest. I also called out today because of the surgery and I might call out tomorrow too. Because the doctor scheduled me in at the last minute, I couldn't ask for the time off ahead of time. I'm gonna regret it when I see my paycheck but oh well. Today I feel fine. Actually I feel better than when I had the port put in. Maybe it's because the port was put in when I was doing chemo so I was weaker then. I'll be back at work hopefully by Thursday, which is also the day I take off the bandage.
I made an appointment with the transplant doctor in 3 weeks. By then the PET scan and biopsy results should be in. Here's hoping for good results!!!!!
And that was my weekend!
In other news, I think it's over between Clay and I. We got in a big fight over 2 weeks ago and haven't spoken since. In my world, that's technically a break up. I miss him and I'm sad that it's over but I think it's for the best. Now is just not a good time. I just need some peace and quiet...............
So Friday I wake up at 5am to be at the hospital by 6:45am (yes it took me an hour to shower and get ready and 45 minutes to get there). I wait for an hour before they finally let us know (everyone in the waiting room) that their computer is down and that they were waiting for a technician to fix it. An hour later they get it fixed and tell me that in another hour they will do my scan. Thank God I was the #2 appointment for the day. So finally at 9:30am they do the scan and I'm out by 10am. Problem is I had an appointment across town with the head and neck surgeon at 10:45am and there is no way I'll be able to make it in time now. So I call to cancel and reschedule but the next available appointment isn't until June 21st. Not good. So I don't reschedule.
However, I had already seen another head and neck surgeon in another city back in May and the only reason I made the Friday appointment was because it was in a hospital that was closer to me. My mom always says,"Dios sabe lo que hace," and I took it to heart on Friday. On my way home, the surgeon from the other city (Baldwin Park, which even I didn't know where it was until the night before my appointment when I looked it up and it was too late to cancel) calls me and tells me that he feels that it's really important that I get the biopsy done sooner rather than later so he tells me he can do it Monday. Sweet! I take it.
On my way home I also realize that it's the last day to sign up for health insurance at my job and I haven't done it yet. So I go to my job and sign up for health insurance, go to the post office and drop off some netflix movies, and go to the bank to deposit some money. I finally get home at 3pm. All I want to do is take a nap. However, the house is a flurry of activity because of Diego's graduation. So no nap for me. We have a nice dinner at 5pm, go to the graduation at 7pm, come home at 9:30pm, and go pick up Danette at 10pm. By 11:30pm we are at the 80s bar, 3 of Clubs.
This place is like a hidden gem in LA. It's in lower Hollywood so it's not too trendy, there's never a line, it gets full but not packed (which I love because I hate when a place is so packed you can't even move), the music is great, and the drinks are average price. Mind you, the outside looks like a hole in the wall and doesn't even have their name displayed, just a neon sign that says COCKTAILS. We're there until we get kicked out and then we hang out in the parking lot forever because my sister wants to say her long goodbyes to everyone. Then we go to a taco place to eat and some fat lesbians start yelling at us because they think we're talking trash about them. We just laugh and continue to eat and they finally shut up. We make it home at 4am and my sister promptly falls asleep. Of course I'm paranoid she'll miss her flight (it's happened to me too many times) so I stay awake and get her up at 4:30am. She speed packs and is out the door at 4:45am. I'm impressed. I finally lay down at 5am and pass out. Ahhhhhhhh......................
Saturday morning Danette wakes me up at 10:30am. I convince her to let me lay there until noon. Today is shopping day! We leave my house at like 3pm and I take her to Pasadena and we go to the stores she doesn't have in Nashville. So we hit up H&M, Urban Outfitters, Forever 21, and some boutiques. We go to the Barney's Beanery there and drink a Blue Moon with a slice of orange and eat. We go home and my best friend here in LA, Erasto, picks us up and we go to The Abbey for drinks. It's a gay bar in West Hollywood which has the best drinks in the city. They're expensive but they pack a punch. I usually can't drink more than 2, otherwise I end up wasted. So 1 pineapple mojito and 1 apple martini later, I am buzzing but dead tired. We go home and go to bed by 3am.
Sunday Danette wakes me up at 9am. Today is beach day! So guess where we go? Nope, not Venice, not Santa Monica, not Malibu, not Manhattan Beach, or Redondo, or Hermosa. Erasto surprises us by driving halfway to San Diego to............ a nude beach. Of course, with mostly men. We get there and I am so overwhelmed with penises that I fall asleep on the beach for 3 hours (fully clothed!). They wake me up and we drive back to LA and go to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. Lol, and we all order (it was 5 of us) the same thing, 1 chicken breast and 1 waffle and macaroni and cheese on the side. It was heaven. Danette and I get back to my house like at 8:45pm and we just talk till 10:30pm. Thank God we're both exhausted and we go to bed soon after.
Monday we both get up at 9am. Danette leaves today and I have surgery! You know, I can literally go on and on about how much I love Danette, but I'll save it for another time. We get ready, she packs, and we say our goodbyes. I leave at 11:30am for the hospital and my brother's girlfriend takes Danette to the airport at 12pm. I feel bad because I feel like I wasn't the greatest host since I was always tired. But I was really happy she was here and just being in her company, regardless of what we were doing, was enough.
At the hospital they scare me because they can't find my appointment in their computer system but it turns out I went to the wrong floor. So I finally check in and..... that's it! I had a moment in the pre-op room where I realize that I'm wearing brown slipper socks, white and orange leg covers (to encourage circulation and prevent blood clots), a floral hospital gown, and a light blue hairnet, and I just start laughing and I can't stop. Taken out of context, I realized how ridiculous I must look and it just made me laugh. One of the male nurses tells me that I have a great attitude and how good that is. It's funny because I get that alot. And for the most part, I am just me, just plain old happy smiley Maria. But I told him I have my moments. I don't know how natural it would be if you didn't get sad now and then.
Anyways, in the operating room, as soon as I get there they put the face mask on me and it feels like all I do is take 2 breaths and I'm out. The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room. It's like 6pm and my mom is on her way to pick me up. The left side of my neck has a bandage on but I get to take it off in 2 days. They give me some morphine for the pain (me likey the morphine, mmmmmm.........) and a prescription for Vicodin. Finally my mom takes me home. On our way home, my phone rings....... it's Bertha and she's coming this Friday!!!!!!
Oh my goodness............. I get home and just go to bed............
So I called out of work on Saturday because Danette was here and I didn't want to go to work. That and I woke up feeling like shit. I swear, too much activity and excitement and I end up needing a lot of rest. I also called out today because of the surgery and I might call out tomorrow too. Because the doctor scheduled me in at the last minute, I couldn't ask for the time off ahead of time. I'm gonna regret it when I see my paycheck but oh well. Today I feel fine. Actually I feel better than when I had the port put in. Maybe it's because the port was put in when I was doing chemo so I was weaker then. I'll be back at work hopefully by Thursday, which is also the day I take off the bandage.
I made an appointment with the transplant doctor in 3 weeks. By then the PET scan and biopsy results should be in. Here's hoping for good results!!!!!
And that was my weekend!
In other news, I think it's over between Clay and I. We got in a big fight over 2 weeks ago and haven't spoken since. In my world, that's technically a break up. I miss him and I'm sad that it's over but I think it's for the best. Now is just not a good time. I just need some peace and quiet...............
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