Back To Work

So I finally returned to work yesterday. Last week the HR manager called to ask me if I would be coming back and I kept giving her mixed messages because I just wasn't sure. It was actually what propelled me to say, "Fuck it, I'm going back to work." Within 2 days I got my doctor to write a note and I started yesterday. It was a little weird at first just because everyone I know kept congratulating me and asking me how I was doing. I know that they're just concerned but having 20 people ask me all day was overwhelming. Then there was the group of people who didn't know why I'd left and they kept asking me where I went and why I cut my hair. So yeah it was a little much but this week I only work 3 days and then next week I'll start full time again. I know that I didn't have to go back to work but I'm glad that I did because I need something to fill the void of the "waiting time." That and I just want to make sure that Bloomingdale's keeps paying my health insurance contribution. The last thing I want is to start paying COBRA, which significantly raises my health insurance payments.

My boyfriend and I have decided that we're going to start researching embryo freezing. One of the more serious side affects of a bone marrow transplant is infertility. Should that be my next treatment, I'm not sure I would have enough time to consider freezing some eggs for the future so we're probably gonna do it now. Again, it boggles my mind that this is something I have to think about now but if I didn't do anything about it and then had a transplant, would I be able to have kids one day? I want that option to exist. It's such a big step to take with someone that I haven't been with for a really long time so I can't believe Clay is doing this with me. Sometimes I feel bad for all the things he goes through with me but at the same time, I don't know what I would do without his love and support. I'm just really thankful. Because I'm a cancer patient I qualify for a big discount which helps because it is not an inexpensive process. I just can't believe that I'm actually doing this.

So many things, so many things......

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a head and neck surgeon. One of the lymph nodes in my neck is swollen and they want to check it out. Again, further proof that the cancer has not gone away. It truly saddens me and sometimes I look at myself and still can't believe it's actually happening to me. I look at the statistics of Hodgkin's patients and I wonder why chemotherapy wasn't as successful for me. I hope that whatever comes next will be.

I spent Mother's Day with my mom and her friend and we had such a great time. All I did was hang out with them for two days. We went grocery shopping, did a carne asada, and listened, danced, and sang along to old cumbias. It was definitely good times. My sister is coming home for a week in 2 weeks and I'm really looking forward to it. She's coming home for my brother Diego's 8th grade graduation so it should be a nice family reunion.

It feels good to spend time with my family right now. Just like going to work, it distracts me from my reality. It's a weird feeling because I'm still so happy and cheerful, so positive. But the minute I let my mind stray, I just get sad and I don't want to be. I like being happy, and I like making others happy.

So tell my why Lynette from Desperate Housewives might have a lymphoma? It was crazy.