What Not To Do On A Friday Night

Definitely definitely not read the blogs of people who have DIED of Hodgkin's, definitely definitely not.

Why didn't I just watch Jimmy Kimmel?

So yeah, what's the deal man? I hate that either I hear about the people who went into remission after 2 months of chemo (Stage I or II) or I hear about the people who have relapsed 2-3 times, even after their transplants! Or worse, DIED!

It all started innocently enough. I went to my favorite cancer blog, Cancer is My Bitch (www.cancerismybitch.com/), and after rereading some of the past posts (I never get tired of them, they're either funny or deep) I decided to check out some of the linked blogs on his page. Tell me why the second one I go to is like, "So and so died peacefully of Hodgkin's with their family by their side." So of course I decided to read their blog. And guess what. They were only 23 and they'd received treatment at City of Hope too! I was like, Oh....My....God.

Then I was like, what the hell am I doing? Am I really freaking myself out like this, on a FRIDAY NIGHT! I needed to blog it out.

Anyways, today was another long day spent at the hospital. I had blood work at 10am and an appointment with my transplant doctor at 11am. However, my Hickman has been causing trouble lately. They used to be able to draw blood from it but for some reason they haven't been able to the last 3 times they've tried (once today, twice during my hospital stay). Apparently there might be tissue buildup blocking it so today I had to get medicine for it and it took a while to order and then after, it took an hour for it to work. Before that I had an EKG and my mom and I grabbed lunch while we waited for the medicine. We got to the hospital at 9:50am and didn't leave until 3:30pm. I complained about it being a long day and then realized, almost every time we come it's a long day, so actually, it wasn't that unusual. And actually, it was better than the last day of my stem cell collection. That day we'd gotten to the hospital at 8am and didn't leave until 5pm because I also ended up getting a blood transfusion too, my first ever.

I just realized I never mentioned that. Yeah, the last day of my stem cell collection (it was my 8th day) I also had to get a blood transfusion because my red blood count had been too low. Oh, that day I flipped out. Mind you, I've given blood before but the thought of getting a stranger's blood kinda grossed me out. I know, weird. So I was like, oh my God I'm getting some stranger's blood! I don't know anything about them! What if they're weird? What if it's some pimply high schooler's blood? What if all of a sudden I pick up someone else's personality because of their blood!!! I practically threw my hands up in the air and ran around in circles screaming. But of course I was fine and the stranger's blood has not caused any trouble. But my poor sister had to wait in waiting rooms that whole day.

My sister is still here, she decided not to leave until September 9th. She will have been home for over a month by then, almost a month and a half. I've said it before, I am going to miss her so much when she leaves. I think she feels better knowing that she's done more cancer-related things with me. Each time she comes home I'm on a break from treatment. Or she leaves right before I have surgery. This is the first time that she's been home and I've been in the middle of treatment so she's been able to come with me for just about everything: doctor's appointments, stem cell collections, and my hospital stay. Great, now I realized she won't be here for my second and supposedly longer hospital stay........

I never really felt lonely when I was at the hospital, only 1 day and it was because nobody had spent the night with me for 2 days straight. By the 3rd night I did feel kinda lonely. Thank God my mom called me that night, I think she heard it in my voice even though I kept insisting I was fine, so she came over and I felt better. I don't think I realized until then how much I really need my family's physical presence sometimes. I mean, that night it was already late but knowing that my mom was in the same room as me and would be for the rest of the night, made me feel not as lonely anymore. It's times like that when I don't feel 27.......... more like 7.

My mom......... what would I do without her?

Anyways, before I forget to mention it, my 2nd transplant was moved up. Instead of going in Oct. 4th, I'm now going in Sept. 13th, so in about 2 weeks. I know, again! But this is good, no sense in waiting. So..............this is it! The last one hopefully!

Oh and............ this means I won't have time to get my license. So I am hereby releasing myself from my oath to never drive again if I didn't get it in Sept. Uh oh, my grand master plan is falling apart! But the license is just going to have to wait, I just don't think I can do it before the 13th. But maybe my permit??? We'll see...........

Ok well, it is now 2:30am, time for bed!