Mission: Reclaim Life

I've been thinking of a way to start this entry and lacking a better intro, I figured this was best:

"What patients want to hear is that the transplant will be a quick, painless, risk-free procedure. More importantly, they want assurance that it will cure their disease and provide them with many extra years of life. Unfortunately, no such assurances can be given. The patient can only be promised the chance of a future." - Autologous Stem Cell Transplants: A Handbook for Patients

So yesterday I received the results of my PET scan. It showed extreme improvement in all areas but there still appeared to be some activity in my chest. My regular doctor is out of town so another doctor gave me the results and he told me that maybe low dose radiation would be the next possible treatment. But he said it was something that would need to be discussed with my regular doctor. So....... I was........ I felt let down because I did want to be told, hey you're cured. But my mom and my dad seem oddly calm. It makes me wonder if they really aren't that worried or if they know that I'm on the brink of a meltdown so they're staying mellow for my sake. This doctor told me that they still needed the results of a CT scan I'm having done next Monday and he said that they actually relied more on those results than the PET. Apparently sometimes the PET shows activity that is unrelated to the cancer. So maybe there is still hope..............

I am being negative with the results, I just want to make that clear. Clay, my mom, and my dad seem optimistic. I think they think that if low dose radiation is all I need, then it's pretty much almost gone. I don't know why I'm not happy or at least glad that things are much better. I guess I just wanted to think it was over.

My next appointment will be after Thanksgiving with my regular doctor. The CT scan results should be available by then and I guess they'll let me know what comes next.

Oh yeah, San Francisco was fun. My favorite part of the trip was the USC vs Cal game. It rained (and I mean poured, not sprinkled) the whole game, all 4 hours. Mind you, the day before, sunshine, the day after, sunshine. Everyone had ponchos that didn't prevent the rain from drenching them. Our USC foam victory fingers became sponge fingers that needed to be wrung out periodically because of the water. My paper pom poms succumbed before the end of the 1st quarter. Although I didn't drink, the mini keg before the game and the mini bottles of liquor Clay's family snuck into the stadium made them all forget about the rain at least until halftime. Clay took off the poncho during the 4th quarter to show off his jersey despite the rain. Afterwards, Clay and I joked over who would get pneumonia first (neither of us did). Overall, alot of fun and USC won so definitely worth sitting in the rain for.

My friend Bertha is coming to visit a month from now and I'm really excited. I'm hoping to have so much more energy and stamina by then. How fun!