Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

When my hair fell out in early July, seeing the clumps of hair on my pillow, the clumps that would come out just from me running my hands through it, and the clumps that would come out in the shower would make me so sad. After about 3 days my head was so spotty, bald in some spots and then the clumps of hair in others. On the 4th day I told my mom to just cut it all off. I remember feeling so vulnerable, sitting in a chair in the dinning room/living room while my mom used a pair of scissors to cut my hair as close to my scalp as possible. But what made me feel better was when my brothers, Sergio and Eduardo, came into the room and joked about my bald head. Eduardo, who had recently shaved all his hair off, accused me of copying him (which made me smile) and Sergio compared me to Demi Moore in G.I. Jane. I was grateful that they didn't look at me with pity but instead made me smile. They stayed in the room the whole time and told me stories about what they had been up to recently (going to the Santa Fe Dam). It made me feel like my mom cutting off the rest of my hair was not unusual or abnormal. I thank them for that day, they helped make a difficult situation bearable.

Soooooooooo, tomorrow I have a PET scan scheduled at 2:15pm. I started freaking out at first and realized that I didn't want to be on that emotional roller coaster for the whole week that it'll take to get the results back. Clay and I leave to San Francisco on Wednesday morning and I just want to enjoy my trip. This last Saturday we went to the USC Campus Store (which was super crowded because it was a home game day) and bought pom poms, those foam fingers, and his and hers jerseys (we're so cute!). We're gonna watch USC vs Cal on Saturday. I have lots of little surprises for his birthday so I can't wait to give them to him. We get back on Sunday and I think the next day I have a CT scan early in the morning but I'm trying to change it, I just don't want to get up that early on a Monday(that and I'm not ready to face berry berry barium that early in the morning). Then Tuesday I have another doctor's appointment, where hopefully I should get the results of tomorrow's PET scan. Tomorrow I also have to pack and buy some last minute things before the trip. I should have done laundry today but I was too cold and lazy to do anything. Which reminds me, pack a jacket and gloves.

So before my transplants they gave me a handbook to read, Autologous Stem Cell Transplants: A Handbook for Patients. I'm reading it for the second time and now that I'm actually having side effects, it's very helpful. However, I don't think Clay appreciates me reading him paragraphs aloud.

My mami comes home tonight! She gets here really late but I'm so happy she's back. It's nice to have another woman in the house again, lol.

Ohhh, now everyone pray extra hard for tomorrow! Even I'm gonna call on the saints, the spirits, Mother Earth, Father Time, and I'll even try to meditate (which is hard for me, I can't relax). Ahhhhhhh.....................